Nicole vs. Life
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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