living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
