why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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