i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
