I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As shirtless as possible
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
