Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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