He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
