at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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