just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
