after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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