took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
