Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
