Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
