just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
