we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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