You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
