guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
