i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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