I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
