And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
