Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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