Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
