if i can run in heels then i can drive
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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