im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
