i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
