so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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