he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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