Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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