Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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