Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
