She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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