you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
