Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
