please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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