Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
