This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
