It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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