No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
