You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
