I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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