Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
