Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
