so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
