took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
