Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
