We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
His nipple licking is glorious
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