You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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