Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
