Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
