Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
