Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
